Cortex

Oh mood swings, you are the best feeling in the world. After months of feeling dead, full of self doubt, irritability, and anxiety, I finally feel really amazing again. What is it called when you are at the bottom of the bottom for a while, then the top of top? Hmm.

So it’s almost 1am on some idle Tuesday morning, and for as long as I can remember I’ve had trouble sleeping. In fact my first memory is waking up in my crib and trying to get back to sleep, suggesting that I’ve always had this ailment. I do not mind being awake , though, I feel it grants me advantage over some others. For one, I do not prioritise sleep, in fact, sleep falls just below the regretful ’nutbush dance at a family members wedding’ catergory. When I was in year 9, I was lucky enough to get half an hour sleep per night- but I didn’t complain as the works of Plato, Ben Elton and the occasional Stephen King novel was available to entertain.

When I was in prep, my best friend Courtney told me that we wouldnt need sleep in a million years because we would all be heads in liquidied jars. I liked this idea.

I need to travel. I’d always envisaged a time where I’d be in constant transit.
I need to write more. I do not want to become illiterate.
I need to be more sympathetic. I don’t want to become unlikeable.
I need to study more. I don’t want to fall behind in the large scheme of things.
I need more sunlight. I don’t want to shapeshift into the perplexed,pale girl again.

Summer seems impossible right now. The morning frost is high and the pavements is contagously dirty with salt. Uni heaves itself into every part of my life, no matter how hard I try to forget about it. I rarely leave the house, rarely leave my room. Sometimes I work My old haunts are gone, the record shops and exotic restaurants. My summer friends are slowly fading as they are renewed into Winter trends.

It makes me want to leave here forever.

Perhaps I’ll do some more reading tonight. An excessive lethargy turns the soul to sludge.